The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
