if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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