dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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