I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
