ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
