we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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