As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
