Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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