we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
