I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
