Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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