I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
