Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
