I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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