dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
