Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
