I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
