yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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