Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she looked like the before picture.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
