Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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