Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
