i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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