honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
