I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Randomize
