I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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