College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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