I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
