shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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