just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
