no, he came in my armpit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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