I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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