I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
