I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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