hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
