Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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