I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
