it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
