Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm getting married
To pizza
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
