for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
