I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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