Porn is love you can see.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
