I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
