I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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