sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
