I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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