The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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