Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
