KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
