So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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