dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
