6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
